At the Bottom

He lay there for hours.

When it was all finished, she rolled off of him and passed out.  He just lay there.  Nothing could explain the feeling that overcame him.  Falling into a bottomless pit was the only thing that came to mind.  But even then, there was no end in sight.  A sharp pain of falling falling falling into an endless abyss made him cringe.  Tossing, turning mind running a thousand miles an hour.

He knew this was the end.  It had been months since they loved each other.  At this point, it was just a formality.  Simply being for the sake of being.  Slowly, they were both dying from the inside.  He was well aware of his own.  But it was her’s he was unsure.  Why were they still there?  Did she know?  Or was she just being cordial to him?  Maybe it was her disconnect to the whole situation that allowed her to just roll over and pass out.

All he wanted was to leave.  But he couldn’t.  As if he were bound in chains and shackled to the bed – he was going nowhere fast.  So he was forced to just lay there as she slept soundly.  He wanted to wake her.  But that would only start a series of conversations he didn’t feel like getting into.  Even then, that series of conversations that he was dreading for so long had to be better than that silence.  A silence like this he would never be able to forget for the rest of his life.

There was an emptiness inside of him that could not be avoided.  His only problem was confronting it.  However, by confronting this very emptiness he would bring forth a paradigm shift for his entire life.  He would be setting forth on a new beginning.  This was not going to be easy.  As he lay there staring at the austere ceiling he weighed the pros and cons of taking this next step.

So much hurt.  Starting from scratch.  That awkward goodbye.

In no way was he ready for this.  But the longer he lay there the deeper and deeper he fell into that endless abyss.  Blackness would soon engulf his entire life.  Realizing the need to act became the next step.  If not now, when it finally would happen he would be all but dead inside.

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“Hey.  Wake up.  I need to talk to you.”

Facial Hair February 2010 off to a promising start

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